Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
