There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just found puke in my bra..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
