Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
