it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
