Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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