Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
