It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
