You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
