if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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