living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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