Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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