i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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