they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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