i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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