Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
