Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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