I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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