i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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