I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
