I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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