sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
