if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
