We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
