i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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