Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
