census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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