She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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