You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
