brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
