Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
only you would photoshop your dick
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
