I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
