The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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