I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Randomize
