Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
