Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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