My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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