That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
