I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We were destined to go to rehab together
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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