Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
