I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The power of my boobs compel you
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
