my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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