I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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