I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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