I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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