Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize