Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
