Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
