don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
