I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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