Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
