I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
