Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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