after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
