Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
