he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
