he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you have to choose: penises or morals?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
