R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
