he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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