just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i think im in europe. pls send help
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
