Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
