Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Are we still banned from the library?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
