Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
