He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
