if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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