no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
