oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
