so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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