Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
