I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
