Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
