On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
